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Sunday, June 28, 2009

These is Markie's Words

Life was tough in the western frontier in the late 1800’s. Living in constant danger of attack from indians, outlaws, train robbers, poisonous snakes, and mother nature, is enough to make most people “check out” like Sarah’s mom did, and never check back in.

Not people like me and Sarah Prine though. We eat nails for breakfast, barbed wire for lunch, and bullets for dinner. We never go tharn in the face of danger. We are hunger game survivors from district 12. We destroy demon hordes with scribbled on runes and a broken stele. We shoot wamp rats in our T-16’s no bigger than a parasite named Wanda. The forest is our baseball field. We snatch decorative river rocks from the gods just so we can chuck ‘em into a volcano.

Reading about Sarah’s adventures reminded me of some the harrowing experiences I have lived through in my own life. Yes, even 100 years after Sarah Prine, life is still rough living in the southwest. I decided that I should share some of my own struggles; so that I might also strengthen and inspire others during their own tough times.

These is MY words

June 16, 1967
My older brothers were goin’ to Mormon night at Disneyland. I wanted to go so bad I was about to bust my britches. My brothers didn’t want me taggin’ along onacuzza I was only 6 and they wouldahadta babysit me all the time. My mama sez, sorry Markie you is too young to go this year, maybe you can go next year.

June 21, 1969
My skool showed movies in the gym during the summer for us kids to watch. They gave away door prizes and I wanted to win me one of them prizes real bad. I finally got my number called, and got to pick a prize, but all that was left was a dumb old can of play dough.

February 12, 1977
Injun trouble! My folks went and got us one of them Navajo’s from the church placement program. His name’s Marvin. Last nite we was all sleepin’ in our beds, and Marvin creeps downstairs all quiet like and eats the rest of the ice cream we was keeping in the ice box. I was gonna eat that ice cream the next day you see, and I knowed that Marvin knowed it and wanted to get it first. I also knowed it was him that done it cuz everyone knows if you got a injun livin’ in your house that for sure he’s gonna eat the last of the ice cream.

April 19, 1981
Here I is in Guatemala. It’s plenty hot and humid here and just about all they got to eat is beans, and them beans is blacker than hot tar at midnight. Today we go a knockin’ on a door and I hears a voice comin’ from the other side sayin’ “no hay ninguno” which they taught me in the Mishunary training center means “nobody’s home”. But I knowed someone was home ‘cause if no one was home then nobody could have said them words behind that door.

February 19, 1983
Went skiing and stayed in a real nice lodge. After skiing all day my legs and feet was real tired and sore so I wanted to take a Jacuzzi bath, but turns out the hot tub wasn’t really very hot, and the jets weren’t workin’ right.

July 9, 1987
Our first baby is born. The nurse had to deliver her cuz the doctor was runnin’ late. When the doctor finally got there he yelled at the nurse cuz she handed him a gown that had a little spot of blood on it. I don’t know what she was thinkin’. How is a doctor supposed to work in those kinda condishuns, you know… in a gown… with a spot of blood on it.

December 3, 1991
Our second baby is born. I was gettin’ tired of waitin’ for her to come, and getting’ hungry besides, so I goes down to the vending machine to get a Snickers, but guess what? They is all out of Snickers so I gotta choose between one of them other candy bars that I don’t like as much.

August 3, 2004
A terrible nasty virus is goin’ around, and word is it’s caused by some kind of worm, and I done gone and got my computer infected. I had to spend a couple hours tryin’ to figure out how to get rid of it.

April 16, 2009
I go to watch American Idol that I recorded on my Media Center PC, only the show done run on too long so the end is all cut off. So now I gotta go download it so as I can see the rest.

April 28, 2009
We is at a bar that some folks calls a “tavern” and all my family got them there new fangled iPhones, only I ain’t got none.

May 28, 2009
Viruses is still goin’ around and wiping out poor defenseless computers. Some of my nieces done got themselves infected. Some even had to get new laptops onacuzza the dang viruses.

June 9, 2009
We is at Disneyland, only we keep wantin’ to ride Space Mountain but it keeps breakin’ down. We even got us one of them fast passes but it don’t do us no good cuz the ride is broke down. We only got to ride it one time. Then I goes to git me a bowl of my favorite clam chowder and I find out they done changed the recipe. The new chowder aint as good as the old chowder. From now on I’ll get the gumbo instead, cuz I like the gumbo too, and they ain’t changed that recipe.

Well, I hope all that talk of blood and thievin’ injuns didn’t make you go tharn and not come back.

I loved These Is My Words. I devoured it like southern grits with possum gravy. If I hadn’t already had the big V (the gentleman’s preventative) I’d give Amy my next born child out of gratitude.